“These are checks,” Patricia said quietly. “From me to your grandmother. Every month for twenty years.”
I stared at her. “I don’t understand.”
“When Karen left you with Mama, I knew. I knew Karen would never send money to help raise you. So I did.”
She pulled out one envelope and showed me the check inside. Two hundred dollars, dated 1998.
“I never told anyone. Not Karen. Your grandmother didn’t even know who it was at first. I sent them anonymously for the first five years.”
“But why?”
Patricia’s eyes filled with tears. “Because you were seven years old and your mother had just walked away from you. And I couldn’t do anything to stop Karen. But I could do this.”
I looked at the box of envelopes.
Twenty years of quiet support. Twenty years of silent love from a woman I had always thought chose Karen over me.
“Grandma never told me.”
“She found out eventually, but I asked her to keep it secret. I didn’t want Karen to know.”
Sometimes family surprises you.
Three months after the mediation, Karen’s letter arrived.
Plain white envelope. No return address. But I recognized the handwriting immediately, the same looping script that had signed my childhood birthday cards back when she still pretended to be a mother.
I opened it standing at the kitchen counter.
Mila,
I know I don’t deserve to write to you, but I have no one else. Richard left. My friends won’t speak to me. Patricia hasn’t returned my calls in weeks.
I’m not writing to make excuses. I know what I did was wrong. I know I hurt you. I know I hurt Mama.
But I’m still your mother. Doesn’t that count for something?
I just want to talk, to explain, to make things right, if that’s even possible.
Please, Mila. I have nothing left. I only have you.
Karen.
I read it three times.
Then I sat down at Grandma’s writing desk and composed my reply.
Karen,
I received your letter. I’ve thought carefully about what to say. You’re right that you don’t deserve to write to me. You’re also right that you hurt me and Grandma in ways that can never be undone.
But here’s what you’re wrong about.
You are not my mother. Not in any way that matters.
You gave up that title twenty-two years ago, when you traded me for fifty thousand dollars.
Yes, I know about that now.
I don’t hate you. Hate requires energy, and I’ve wasted enough of that on you already. But I also don’t have anything left to give you.
Please don’t contact me again.
Mila.