Grandpa gave me his big bedroom and took the smaller one for himself. He learned how to braid my hair from YouTube, packed my lunch every day, and attended every school play and parent-teacher meeting.
He was my hero and my inspiration.
“Grandpa, when I grow up, I want to be a social worker so I can save children the same way you saved me,” I told him when I was ten years old.
He was my hero.
He hugged me so tight I thought my ribs would crack.
“You can be anything you want, kiddo. Absolutely anything.”
But the truth was, we never had much.
No family trips, no takeout, and none of those “just because” gifts other kids seemed to get. As I grew up, I noticed an unsettling pattern emerge in my life with Grandpa.
I noticed an unsettling pattern emerge in my life with Grandpa.
“Grandpa, can I get a new outfit?” I’d ask. “All the kids at school are wearing these branded jeans, and I want a pair.”
“We can’t afford that, kiddo.”
That was his answer to every request for anything extra. I hated that sentence more than anything else in the entire world.
I grew angry at him for always saying NO.
I hated that sentence more than anything else in the entire world.
While the other girls wore trendy, name-brand clothes, I wore hand-me-downs.
My friends all had new phones, but mine was an ancient brick that barely held a charge.
It was an awful, selfish anger, the kind that made me cry hot tears into my pillow at night, hating myself for hating him, but still unable to stop the resentment.
He told me I could be anything I wanted, but that promise started to feel like a lie.
Then Grandpa got sick, and the anger was replaced by a deep, sickening fear.
Grandpa got sick, and the anger was replaced by a deep, sickening fear.
The man who had carried my whole world on his shoulders suddenly couldn’t walk up the stairs without gasping for air.
We couldn’t afford a nurse or caregiver (of course, we couldn’t, we couldn’t afford anything), so I took care of him alone.
“I’ll be okay, kiddo. It’s just a cold. I’ll be up and kicking next week. You just focus on your final exams.”
Liar, I thought.
We couldn’t afford a nurse or caregiver, so I took care of him alone.
“It’s not a cold, Grandpa. You need to take it easy. Please, let me help.”
