Later, I wondered if he was praying… crying… hiding an addiction… or even talking to someone in secret.
But none of it made sense.
He didn’t smell like alcohol. He never smoked. He never stayed out late. He didn’t have friends he disappeared with. Richard lived like a man terrified of making mistakes.
The strangest part wasn’t the routine itself.
It was the silence.
Sometimes I heard water running softly. Medicine bottles tapping the sink. Plastic wrappers opening. And once in a while, a low sound escaped him—something between a groan and a swallowed scream.
The first time I asked him directly, his face lost all color.
“It’s my stomach, Eleanor,” he said sharply. “Please don’t ask questions.”
So I stopped asking.
That’s how women of my generation were raised. Don’t pry. Don’t embarrass your husband. Don’t open doors better left closed.
But there were other things.
Richard never wore short sleeves. Not even during brutal Chicago summers when the humidity stuck to your skin like wet cloth. He never changed clothes in front of me. During intimacy, he insisted every light remain off.
And if I wrapped my arms around him unexpectedly from behind, his entire body would lock up like stone.
One night, after the children were grown and gone, I finally exploded.
“Do you have another woman?”
The spoon slipped from his hand and clattered into the soup bowl.
He stared at me with pure fear in his eyes.
